Understanding Bullying: Beyond the Victim & Perpetrator Model

Rewriting the Narrative from Victimhood to Feedback: Comprehending the Opposing Forces between Support & Challenge to Bring Balance and Growth

Bringing in Bullying

You can label bullying as an act of cruelty; or as a catalyst for transformation. Every challenge has a hidden blessing if you are asked the quality question as it’s designed to create the very opportunities you’ve been searching for. The power of transforming our perceptions is the key that can shift our minds to become objective and resilient, by uncovering the feedback so you can turn challenges into stepping stones for our greatest evolution. The masses will get stuck in a moralistic viewpoint between victim and perpetrator which will keep you stuck and getting brain noise as feedback. True wisdom comes in understanding the greater implicit order (+/-) and experiencing the power of an unconditional state of love, rather than the hedonic adaption taught in mass psychology.

The more you see things as one-sided and the way they “should be”, the more you’ll struggle and draw in its opposite to help you evolve to objectively see both sides. Often moralistic positive thinking is the very thing that draws in bullying and challenges. Growth comes from walking the line between comfort and challenge (+/-). We’re here to expand our conscious awarness and evolve, and one of the most impactful ways to do that is to see situations not as “good” or “bad” but as feedback, you're attracting for growth. If we choose not to see things objectively, you’ll risk getting stuck in the ponzi scheme of happiness and be in feedback loop for months, years, or even decades, labelling something as wrong, evil, bad, inappropriate, or bullying.

You’ll never escape a human trait, it will be conserved until you can learn to love and appreciate it. Otherwise, it will keep running through your mind, no matter how much you avoid it. Bullying exists in families, businesses, politics, and schools, so understanding it is far more powerful than buying into it is bad or unnecessary because it’s not going anywhere. 

"What you resist persists." — Carl Jung

Nothing is Random: The Purpose of Bullying

Bullying serves a purpose. If it didn’t, it would have gone extinct, as nature doesn’t sustain what doesn’t have value. The chaos and entropy of the mind arise when we think something doesn’t serve a purpose and doesn’t meet our expectations. The mortal body can’t go through something that the immortal soul can’t love and appreciate. The challenge lies in not recognizing the purpose of the feedback. The wisdom is in understanding its meaning rather than playing the victim to past or present circumstances.

Every person has all traits, both good and bad. No trait is inherently good or bad; it’s just a label we place on something. We experience happiness and sadness, kindness and cruelty. Too often, we get caught in the trap of one-sided thinking, trying to fit our lives into a moral construct imposed by others. This forces us to reject half of who we are, hiding behind a persona (mask) instead of embracing our full selves, which encompass all of the above. You are kind and cruel; so are others. Trying to be happy, nice, positive, smiling a lot, and saying good things when in reality, you're also foul-mouthed, resentful, and get angry is denying the essence of who you are. And you can’t love something you judge. Hence, if you can even have the awareness that bullying is bad, it’s feedback for you. The universe is clear; it shows you feedback in both your mind and body. The only question is, are you holding onto a misperception that is limiting you?

An Objective Perspective: A New Set of Questions

Have you ever considered the benefits of being bullied? Just as you can’t separate the north and south poles of a magnet, we can’t separate support and challenge. To gain objectivity, we must access the executive center of the brain, the prefrontal cortex, where we can see things clearly and act strategically through objectivity (+/-). Holding onto a one-sided view drains our energy and reinforces maladaptive behaviours, causing judgments, which are often further fueled by pride to pump ourselves up (which further attracts criticism).

Would you rather look at the situation through another lens and ask if the bullying has made you stand up for yourself? Has it made you more independent and resilient, helping you care less about what others think of you?

Cristiano Ronaldo was bullied for being poor, yet became one of the wealthiest athletes in the world. George Saint Pierre, the UFC Champion, was bullied and is now recognized as one of the greatest mixed martial artists in history. Taylor Swift, Lady Gaga, and Eminem have made a living off their lyrics about being bullied, attacked, and ostracized. Navy Seal and endurance man David Goggins was also bullied by his dad. Elon Musk was so severely bullied in his youth that he was even hospitalized after an attack. The former CEO of Starbucks, Howard Schultz, was teased for growing up in poverty.

The Power of Reflective Awareness

The seer, the seeing, and the seen are all one and the same. The more you separate yourself and lack the reflective awareness to see that the very things you judge and despise are in you, the more you'll live your life limping along, judging others and waving the victim flag. You become a victim of circumstances, rather than the captain of your own ship. The fiercely independent innovator, thinker, and entrepreneur Elon Musk has become who he is not despite what he’s gone through, but in spite of it. David Goggins became one of the world’s most elite soldiers defending and serving his country, as well as an inspirational speaker and writer. Howard Schultz has made billions, becoming a powerful business figure building a global coffee empire. These tales highlight the journey from void to values. You have the greatest athletes, fighters, musicians, soldiers, mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, and entrepreneurs fulfilling their spiritual mission by navigating their unique journeys and providing value to others.

The masses want to play the victim, running stories by not seeing the perfection. Stories are meant for marketing and the movies, with antiquated models of therapy rehashing old stories. This is why doing the work is so important, because a polymathic mind dedicated to mastering life won’t buy into a one-sided fairy tale of right and wrong. Either be challenged or challenge yourself to integrate all sides of you. Anything you can’t love (+/-), you judge, and you keep bringing it into your sphere of awareness to learn that lesson and own the deflected part of yourself. Nothing is random.

Social and Family Dynamics: The Feedback Loop of Support and Challenge

You can keep labelling bullying as negative, or you can see it as an opportunity to break free from over-dependence. Often, extreme support at home leads to external bullying as a balancing force from universal agents. They are here to get you to break the addiction to support, comfort, and nurturing. That’s why you often see boys who are bullied being over-supported at home, with an overproduction of estrogen creating man boobs in some. The challengers come in to raise testosterone levels, help them get stronger, and become more independent. Both support and challenge are essential for growth; too much support in one area breeds the other. Neither is inherently good or bad; they simply exist to help us evolve.

Repressing one side perpetuates the other. The Catholic Church has holy men who can’t have wives, relationships, or lovers, and human nature plays out with thousands of legal cases for sexual assault against little boys in their care. The feedback is there to break the moral addiction and understand the true aspects of human behaviour and nature. Otherwise, you’ll live in the dogma of society and play the victim.

Addressing the Guilt

If you can’t see how something served you and others when you did it, you’ll create guilt. An unconscious layer of thinking that there is more negatives than positives to situations. Often making alteristic individuals who are more giving, rather than equally giving and taking. By merely being able to judge bullying in someone, shows you have it. Individuals are often so shame ridden, they just point fingers at others and deflect awareness. The brain noise is feedback trying to get them authetnic to to understand when it occurred in their life. It’s hard for humans to see that they are the very thing they judge.

Based on other people’s perceptions they may label you as a bully. Depending what’ going on in their lives, what there values are, and how there filtering their reality. What they percieve is good or bad.

Figures such as Navy SEALs, UFC Champions, and World Calibre Athletes, have all been labelled as bullies to the people, fans, and countries they have physically and mentally toppled over and over. Wisdom comes from understanding bullying and human behaviour and what draws it in. So you can stop eroding your health and wealth, rather embrace both sides of yourself and others.

"It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change." — Charles Darwin

Break the Fantasies of an Utopian Life

You can’t separate peace from war; avoiding one dynamic only causes it to shift into another form. Life requires both support and challenge, nature and nurture. If we seek only one or the other, we miss out on the fullness of our potential. True growth comes from embracing both sides, finding the balance that allows us to evolve. You're both the bully and the bullied, and this trait won’t go away. It may remain disowned within you, causing mental anguish, stress, and avoidance of certain people you may label as predatory, seeking safety, shelter, and support instead.

People who want to master their lives want to understand why things happen and what they are doing to cause them, so they can grow and evolve. Avoidance makes you prey, and you already own both sides of being the predator and attacking others in what they perceive as bullying. It’s based on each individual’s perceptions and what they value that determines if they label an experience as good or bad. In reality, the upsides have downsides, and the downsides have upsides. The resilient mind can break these fantasies of peace without war, support without challenge, and that’s the core of a purpose-built life and business.

There is a greater implicit order at play, and experiencing an open heart from your greatest challenges allows you to experience a moment of that. It’s not intellectualizing it, but opening up to seeing and experiencing it. Nothing is random. The Earth is rotating at 1,660 km/h and moving astonishingly fast at unimaginable speeds through our universe (Laniakea), yet people choose to live and play small according to the morals of mere men, religions, and by what other wounded individuals in society think is good or evil, right or wrong—even though they often display the opposites blatantly themselves. Live by those idealisms, fantasies, and morals imposed on you, or by the laws that govern nature (+/-).

Summary: Maximizing Growth and Evolution

Unconditional love and gratitude (+/-) are the most powerful forces on the planet. The stories we tell ourselves about praise and pride create an imbalance that can lead to suffering we judge and are trying to avoid. The irony of it once realized is far more profound than living up to a moralized one sided fantasy.  True growth happens when we embrace both sides, when we stop repressing parts of ourselves and start integrating all that we are. We learn to appreciate and love our lives and others for what they are, not what we think we think they should be. By doing the work to balance our episodic memories, we heal the mind from this polarized dichotomy, and we can focus on what really matters rather than playing victim to circumstances. 

"The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are." — Carl Jung

Message from Amar:

The intellectual work of the mind is different than integrating the work in the heart. The victim/perpetrator model is antiquated and for the masses, not the individuals dedicated to master their lives. The power of doing the work in a 1:1 environment is that it unlocks your authentic self. What’s the point of repressing half of who you are? Embrace both sides of yourself with the very thing you judge in others, is a reflection of yourself, except it’s a disowned and unloved part. Shift the pride and victimhood to empowerment, and maximize your potential.

Future Article: What You're Doing To Attract Criticism

Discover how inflated pride and being puffed up invites you to get attacked and deflated publicly