Debauchery: The Symptom of Unfulfillment
Debauchery is Feedback Reminding You It’s Time to Realign with Your Purpose
"Focus your attention and do what you love, knowing that whatever you do will be considered immoral by someone. The universe is designed to ensure there are opposing values and priorities, helping you embrace all parts of yourself and evolve beyond others' indoctrinations. Take the feedback, and double down on pursuing meaningful objectives." - Amar Virk
Leonardo DiCaprio playing Jordan Belfort in The Wolf of Wall Street beautifully highlights debaucherous behaviour. Let’s put moral judgments aside and recognize that debauchery serves a purpose—otherwise, it would have gone extinct. If it’s a reality in your life or someone you care about, the wisdom is in understanding and using the experience as feedback. Debauchery is a symptom of unfulfillment. It’s not a good thing, it’s not a bad thing—it’s feedback.
Even if someone has business success, marriage, kids, money, etc., when they stop pushing the envelope and levelling up, they often get the feedback to repurpose. The second you feel successful, you pause, and that means you're on the way down. We’re not meant to live status-quo lives. That’s when these behavioural patterns kick in there is a lack of meaning—disguised by temporary states chasing fantasies, seeking pleasures without pains, the essence of engaging in amygdala-driven activities. They mask the unfulfillment, attempting to find satisfaction through the senses. Yet deep down, you know the sensory world will never satisfy the depth and desires of your soul.
What Overindulgence Reveals
Think of it as a form of delegation. Someone stepping out of a relationship might still care for and love their spouse but feels unmet needs and unfulfilled priorities. They might stay in the relationship because they care while finding a temporary solution for fulfillment elsewhere. It’s not about labelling these actions as right or wrong but addressing the realities and creating a fulfilling life across the board.
Feedback comes in various ways. You’ve seen the older man with the younger mistress, the weekend fling, or overindulgence in food, porn, sex, consumerism, alcohol, or substances. These are attempts to fill a void with fleeting pleasures. They’re not random acts; they’re signs showing where you’re incongruent and out of alignment with your highest values and priorities.
The problem is that people often fail to interpret this feedback, partly because the indulgences feel satisfying in the moment. But this satisfaction comes at a cost—your executive center isn’t engaged, you’re de-purposing from your potential, and you’re demyelinating your brain. When you’re not pursuing something meaningful, the body gives you feedback. The universe invests in order and structure, and if you’re not aligned with your purpose, entropy seeps into your life.
The day after I did an Ironman Triathlon, I did a short bike ride. Three days later, I went on a big camping and kayaking trip with my peers and put that experience behind me. Why? Milestones are meant to be markers on a greater journey. If you stop pursuing the next layer of your purpose, you’ll instantaneously get the feedback. Either disrupt yourself, or someone else will. And you’d rather have the keys in your own hands because that’s what it takes to build a purpose-built life + business.
Address the Noise: Realign with Your Values
If you don’t confront the subconscious noise, face your challenges, and get real about what’s unfulfilling, you’ll lose the resilience and adaptability that got you where you are. This isn’t a conversation about debauchery, it’s about doing what’s most inspiring, meaningful, and impactful to you. Your blurred lines are guiding you toward greater authenticity and focus.
Indulgence isn’t something to fight or suppress, it’s a mirror. It’s a wake-up call pointing you toward what’s unfulfilled in your life, urging you to examine your values, fantasies, and priorities. Ignoring this feedback risks turning unfulfilled fantasies into unconscious nightmares, derailing your relationships, health, finances, and sense of purpose. These moments are gifts for growth, but it takes a different lens to see them.
The Relationship Equation: Do It or Delegate It
If your partner isn’t fulfilling your needs and you’re stepping out, there’s likely something you’re not doing for them, either. Relationships are built on priorities, not promises. If your partner’s actions no longer align with your values, and you’re indulging instead of communicating, it’s time to have difficult conversations—with yourself, your trusted advisors, or your partner—to address the feedback and work toward realignment.
"People aren’t loyal to people—they’re loyal to their priorities." – Amar Virk
Overindulgence reveals gaps in values, priorities, and connections. It’s not about replacing or rejecting, it’s about realigning. Ask yourself: What is this indulgence really about? What am I avoiding, escaping, or trying to fill? For example, if overindulging in alcohol is an escape, what pain are you numbing? If you’re stepping outside your relationship, what connection are you seeking?
Use these moments to get real with yourself and expand your highest values and priorities.
Fantasies and Nightmares: The Two-Sided Illusion
Unfulfilled fantasies invite unconscious nightmares. These experiences awaken you to appreciate all aspects of your reality. We often get caught up in fantasies—perfect relationships, endless pleasure, letting lose on the weekend, a life free of stress and hardship because you earned it—but these are illusions. Chasing them brings in the potential of inviting their opposites: dissatisfaction, guilt, shame, financial loss, and fractured partnerships.
This is why interpreting the feedback is critical. It’s all feedback for your conscious evolution and awareness. The speed with which you can synthesize the duality of opposites in your mind reflects your evolution. That’s why I try to remind individuals a problem is a great thing to waste.
Life isn’t about avoiding pain or clinging to pleasure—it’s about seeing both sides. Lasting fulfillment comes from understanding and integrating both the fantasy and its reciprocal nightmare, finding higher-order meaning in your experiences.
Live in Real-Time Feedback
Don’t wait three, six, or nine months to interpret your life’s feedback.
Indulgence offers immediate feedback if you’re willing to see it. Whether it’s the regret after overdrinking, the emptiness after casual encounters, or the dissatisfaction after binging on food, these moments are growth opportunities. The problem isn’t the indulgence—it’s the delay in addressing the feedback and avoiding the underlying issues.
Don’t let patterns persist. Integrate feedback as it comes. This is how you transcend cycles of indulgence and create a life of clarity and purpose. See what it gave you temporary relief from, so you can assess the underlying void.
Debauchery is a Teacher Showing You to Choose Purpose over Pleasure
Debauchery isn’t something to eliminate—it’s something to understand. If it didn’t serve a purpose, we’ve already established it would have gone extinct. Clear out any guilt and shame because they block wealth and perpetuate altruistic giving to get back into mental “fair exchange.” There’s a more profound way forward with a different set of questions to guide you.
Choose purpose over pleasure. With purpose comes both pleasure and pain (+/-), which together maximize growth. Because it’s difficult either way to live an authentic life. One brings healing and wellness to the body and greater levels of authenticity, and the other runs you down, brings instability and makes you reactive.
"Living by your top priority mentally transcends the need to be extreme because living by your priorities is extreme in itself. And very few individuals are willing do awaken to that level." – Amar Virk
Summary
Indulgence is a teacher, revealing where you’re out of alignment. Step back, see both the fantasy and the nightmare, and address the gaps in your values. Transform moments of overindulgence into opportunities for growth. Remember, it serves a purpose—the wisdom is in finding out what that is.
Keep living. Keep integrating. Every indulgence is an opportunity to understand yourself better, realign with your values, and live a life of purpose and clarity. Stop fighting the feedback—embrace it, integrate it, and rise above the brain noise.
"Individuals don’t fail because they aim too high and miss; they fail because they aim too low and hit the mark. So go do what you really love, and do more and more of it. Either way, you’re going to challenge someone’s values and priorities. Better theirs than yours, as you’re doing it anyway. You may as well maximize the human experience, your awareness, and evolution.
