Loyalty: How People aren't Committed to People, but to their Priorities
Don't cheat yourself by playing the blame game and not seeing what needs were unmet and where you've focused on what's mattered most to you.
Every relationship, whether personal or business, is based on people fulfilling the needs of others. If you don't fulfill or understand those needs, you risk bringing unwanted instability into those relationships. Most people get trapped in the emotions of cheating by maintaining their moral high ground, rather than facing the reality of what's is. If you choose the path of moral righteousness by playing the blame game, you risk eroding health and wealth, while allowing that chaos to metastasize like cancer across all other areas of your life. As whatever you run from will run you.
Understanding the true nature of loyalty is fundamental to your personal development and comprehension of human nature, as it is your fantasies and idealism that are giving rise to your nightmares. Cheating doesn't randomly occur; it highlights unmet needs. Grasping what those needs are provides a more empowering perspective to move forward than living in the illusion and mental turmoil of not seeing the purpose of what's happened.
Anything unloved is often destined to happen again. You integrate a lesson when your mortal mind understands your immortal soul's lesson of love (+/-). It's a participatory universe; know your role in the ecosystem of your illusions. Time to get grounded in the universal principles of human behaviour beyond social idealism, morals, and the dogma imposed upon you through this challenge.
(Note: As you read substitute spouse, with employees, customers, suppliers, constituents, friends, and family members and you’ll uncover a power universal principle worth exploring and sharing with anyone you know who is going through this).
Read on this has the opportunity to transform your life and break the moral label of loyal…
Unveiling the Reason People Aren’t Loyal
“People aren’t committed to you or to other people, they are committed to fulfilling their own priorities.”
People aren't committed to individuals, and that includes you and your vision. They are committed to the people, places, and things that will assist them in fulfilling their personal priorities. It's wise to find out what those truly are, as they are exemplified by what their life actually demonstrates, not necessarily by what they are saying or what you are hearing. Exemplification is the greatest teacher for a reason, as talk is cheap.
It's a harsh reality for some to hear that your spouse, friends, clients, and colleagues aren't loyal to you. As long as both parties are getting their personal priorities met, that which is most meaningful is being fulfilled, they'll label it as a loyal relationship.
An unmet need represents an unfilled intrinsic value and people make decisions based on what gives them the most advantage over disadvantage. You get a glimpse into an individual's personal priorities by how they allocate their time, space, energy, and resources. Which are quantitative and qualitatively demonstrated in an affair.
What’s a Loyal Relationship Dynamic?
“Help others get what they want, you’ll get what you want.”
Individuals seek experiences, connections and opportunities to fill their own voids, which have birthed their current set of personal priorities. It's unspoken and inherently driven within each of us to fulfill what's most meaningful. That's why each action like "cheating" is based on what they perceive will give them the greatest advantage over a disadvantage in life. You can't compete long-term with someone's intrinsic values and personal priorities as they filter the meaning of their life through them. You can only live in alignment if you help them fulfill them. It is at this point that you place the label of being loyal to them; otherwise, you categorize them as betraying you. In reality, however, you betray yourself by remaining ignorant and disregarding the facts of what is actually being demonstrated and what you not fulfilling.
People are two-sided. They have highs and lows. Human nature is governed by the same irrefutable laws that govern your natural circadian rhythm, so that means they must exhibit both loyalty and disloyalty at different times. They may be dedicated to other areas of life that you may not rank high on your current set of personal priorities. Don't expect them to sit around, rather understand the quest each of you is on.
Spiritual Empowerment: Inspired Vision & Mission
Mental Empowerment: Creativity & Genius
Social Empowerment: Contribution, Influence & Leadership
Physical Empowerment: Health, Stamina, Well Being & Vitality
Vocational Empowerment: Job Success, Achievement & Fulfillment
Familial Empowerment: Love, Intimacy & Procreation
Financial Empowerment: Financial Freedom & Independence
As long as you are filtering and imposing how they should behave through your own lens, you can't create a committed and empowered partnership. You're clearly stating that your way of living, thinking, and beliefs are more important than theirs. You either impose these onto them or neglect theirs. A win-win partnership that is mutually beneficial is framed around a long-term sustainable fair exchange between two individuals.
Understanding the principles of personal priorities gets you to understand their intrinsic drivers. Rather than imposed viewpoints of how people should or shouldn’t behave, you’ll see how the world of loyalty and personal priorities works. Individuals are innately dedicated to fulfilling their own life journey.
In a relationship, we want to be loved for who we are, not for who someone believes we should be. When both partners are empowered in their unique ways expressed through their personal priorities, each of them sees the overlap in how they can assist the other in fulfilling what's meaningful to them. A partnership that understands this while remaining in alignment with their own aspirations, will be labelled as a loyal relationship.
“There is a difference between intellectualizing the work and doing the work. ”
This Isn't Happening To You, It's Happening For The Growth Of Your Vision
This experience reminds both individuals to rediscover and not lose sight of the vision for their own life, as nobody will wake up and take action on it but you. You won’t be short of other people's opinions of how you "should" live. If you don’t empower yourself you risk outside authorities telling you what to think, what you’re worth, what to put in and take out of your body, how to spend your money, how to live, and who to love.
This is a moment in life designed to ensure you understand not only what you’re committed to but what others around you are committed to. Don’t be under any illusion it's you. It's not your spouse, kids, employers, business partners, customers, friends or your pet. We each play a means to an end in the matrix of love, be it for a minute or the remaining portions of one's life. It's about ensuring you are masterful, and empowered to be of service and deliver value to others while fulfilling your own spiritual pursuits.
When you understand and buy into your own vision and the vision of your partner, there is natural enthusiasm for the possibilities. Regardless of the trials and tribulations ahead, you can see around the corner. But when you can't or don't want to see each other's next steps or take on the size of their ambitions or challenges, the vividness of the vision fades. Individuals don't want their spark to be put out and will go out and seek other people, opportunities and resources to keep the flame burning.
It’s immature and irresponsible to think someone is and will be committed to you. Because no spouse or customer would stick around if their needs weren't being met. Look at all the brands of cars, shoes, and shirts you’ve owned. If you view your partner as your biggest customer, you'll understand the principles behind so-called loyalty. It also will shed light on behavioural economics where people buy what they want not what they need.
This is why it's important to have a cause bigger than you. It keeps you evolving and growing far beyond worldly goods. When you meet someone on a mission, they have a vision, and nothing of the senses will satisfy their soul. Worldly challenges are not failures they are just feedback, to show you what you're missing.
If you stop evolving and providing value or hit difficult times, don't expect your partner to lower their living standards and quality of life according to your new low standards. That’s you projecting onto them how they should live. They may see a “better opportunity” come along that is willing to fulfill what you are unwilling or unable to fulfill. This could leave you exposed and vulnerable in your relationship. It’s wisdom to find out what those factors are that weren't being fulfilled.
“Only when the tide goes out do you discover who’s been swimming naked”
If you’re not caring enough, you’re not empowered enough to know what’s going on. Just as a CEO’s job is asset allocation, as the CEO of your life understand where have you been unwilling to allocate time, energy or resources towards fulfilling your partner's underlying need. To that degree, you choose to invest time and energy elsewhere, on what was more important to you.
“The consumer is not an idiot; she is your wife.”
A Relationship on Autopilot
For some, the goal was kids and a house with a white picket fence. However, if you do not set new goals together, you'll encounter challenges because the universe is designed to have you grow and evolve, or be recycled through the conservation of energy laws (Death).
There will be a common theme of rediscovering your mission and getting clear with your vision. Don't lose sight of yours; read it and refine it. Pursue the inspiring locations, people, programs, and experiences that allow you to peel back another layer of your next steps. An affair is just another reason for you to rediscover these principles to get on track to know thyself, be thyself, and love thyself. To get into greater alignment with pursuing your purpose and bringing spirit into matter, turn your ideas into reality.
Autopilot is convenient, but leaving it for too long is dangerous.
Facing the Dilemma of Moral Hypocrisies, How To Move Past Them
It’s nearly impossible to live up to the ideologies and idealism projected upon you by outside authorities, and it’s equally impossible for others to live up to ours. Throughout human history, no group of theologians or philosophers has ever agreed upon a single set of moral standards. Why? How could they? When there is a Ying and Yang to all things? Some of our greatest growth has come from our challenges, which we unknowingly labelled as bad while going through those emotions. You can’t separate the inseparable, as growth occurs by walking the fine line between support and challenge. So it’s wisdom to look at things objectively before splitting a challenge into black or white, right or wrong.
People make decisions based on what serves them towards their own fulfillment, what gives them an advantage or disadvantage. Rationally uncovering what you weren’t fulfilling is seeing the why behind the why, and understanding what void you’ve been unwilling to fill.
A lot of morals are just based on people's fantasies and nightmares. Religions use primitive forms of reward and punishment to guide followers, and often that group falls into lower socioeconomic later. If you do "X," you’ll achieve "Y," often in the form of salvation, and if you don’t follow, you’ll get eternal damnation in the depths of hell or in the reincarnation cycle. It’s the extremes of black-and-white thinking often followed by ignorant people who don’t understand there is a greater implicit order to the universe.
There is an intrinsic knowing beyond moral injection, that this setback is just feedback to bring the gap and bring you to full consciousness and awareness of your not seeing. There is a divine perfection and you have the ability to see through the clutter in an objective manner. Intuitively and objectively we understand there are two sides to life, and we require both sides to grow. Not a delusional utopian fantasy which will breed more and more nightmares. But until you are ready to learn the lessons of unconditional love (+/-), which is not the one-sided hedonistic pursuit of love sold in fairy tales.
If your partner cheated and had an affair, you have two choices: either live in the moral hypocrisy imposed by outside authorities or do the deep work of balancing your perception and owning it in your own form. This is the difference in the mindset of the masses and the masters. Shaming them and pointing blame, about how they violated the sanctity of your relationship, and how they threw things away, and betrayed you is the definition of a victim mentality.
You can't go back and change what’s happened, is dwelling your greatest option? Your anger also has served its purpose; otherwise, that emotion wouldn’t exist in the universe. But it might be wisdom to actually ask and find out from them what was not being fulfilled in your relationship. What have you chosen not to provide, was it because of a lack of skills, ability, aspiration, understanding, or financial resources? Know the part you play in your relationship dynamic that is creating the results; how else are you going to address it or grow from it for the future?
You can also continue to sit in the uncertainty of being cheated upon by projecting the pride that you provided everything they desired because, in reality, you haven’t—they went elsewhere. You get humbled in life for a reason, nothing is random. People don’t cheat without a reason; own your part rather than sitting in moral judgments and having them repeat throughout your life.
If you choose to take the moral high ground and put yourself up you would never cheat and are not doing it in your unique form, and keep selling that you're a one-sided good person. You will just keep stacking up your pride on top of other pride before you have your great fall. Maybe it’s time to drop the persona (mask) because the universe will just keep humbling you, and it will become more extreme to balance your lopsided perceptions.
Reflective Awareness
“Hun, If you spot it, you got it”
You’ll likely require some assistance to realize and work through this level of cognitive dissonance. When a mental conflict occurs and your beliefs don't line up, you’ll avoid the actions required to grow because you’re addicted to the old story. Your default subconscious strategy of avoiding this is because of the deep-seated pride and shame you don’t want to deal with. If you can judge it and create contrast in your mind, you can have it within you in your own form.
Whatever you repress eventually gets expressed, so dive deep to understand the feedback your life experiences are giving you. If you perceive you’ve been wronged and are holding on to it, going through change is difficult, but holding onto it will cost you more in the long run.
Think about where you have cheated in your life. Reflect and own it in your unique form to the same degree qualitatively and quantitatively as it’s in their unique hierarchy of personal priorities. Think about the very things you place value and worth on. Now think what’s most meaningful to them, the voids that birthed their values. What have you cheated them out of, and how did you contribute to their unfulfillment?
The seer, the seeing, and the seen are all one and the same. We are all cheaters and are unloyal in one form or another; it just depends on our values and the lens we see it from. What we judge is a reflection of ourselves, and your holding onto this story is hampering your own growth and spiritual development by not seeing the full spectrum of love (+/-).
Are you committed to your own love affair with your spiritual pursuit?
Are you committed to your own love affair with your path to Financial independence?
Or are you cheating on your taxes?
Perhaps you are emotionally cheating?
Are you cheating on business dealings?
Are you cheating yourself out of health and well-being?
Or are you committed to your health, wellness & fitness pursuits?
Are you so committed to your own beauty regimens?
Are you having a love affair with online attention and admirers?
Is your intimacy being spent with friends, clients, or colleagues?
Perhaps a relationship fling of your own? Or guilt from a past one?
Or are you overly committed to your family (kids, parents, siblings, cousins or community work)
Who are you having a deep emotional connection and intimacy with? If you're struggling, remember that your inability to see and own this, and stepping outside your limited perspective, will perpetuate the pain and discomfort while limiting your growth and preventing you from getting back on track. It will keep you stuck in extreme black-and-white perceptions of your amygdala, the pleasure center of your brain, where you’ll be more susceptible to quick fixes and pleasures without pains. Drinking, pills, consumption, overeating, flings, binge-watching, all-nighters, risky investments, gambling, etc.
“You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it.”
The choice is up to you, to either sit in the anguish and pain by holding onto these limiting judgements and resentments or to move through them.
Thinking Your Partner is a Narcissist?
Owning your own form will be liberating and actually allow you to pursue some of your own desires. To the degree you believe this, they also display the opposite. All humans display both sides meaning that they are sometimes altruistic and narcissistic. When it doesn't align with your priorities you will jump to label them as one-sided.
In the circumstances where you perceive an individual wants others to look up to them; if you’re the individual in an imbalanced power dynamic, empower yourself to level the playing field. If you can't appreciate and value yourself, the world won't value and appreciate you.
Black-White Perceptions, All or Nones.
The mind seeks balance, equality, and equanimity between self and other people. I have observed that growth-oriented individuals have a higher and more refined bullshit detector and can see past the dogma that traps so many people. They have an innate calling to tap into their intuition, not their gut instinct, which is a fear response, their animalistic nature. To avoid the so-called predators, because they are "bad" or "cheaters." Your brain noise is being attributed to the one-sided label that you choose to place on them.
If you put the label "this is bad," there is "no good" that can come of this; "this never should have happened." Human traits exist for a reason; the most wounded people go into extreme polarities and run one-sided stories rather than seeing perfection. Generational wealth is created with a constant first-generation mindset, to consciously adopt challenges for growth. This is difficult because most people want to avoid challenges, find ways to retire, to stop working, which means to stop evolving and being of service. It's unkowing choosing entropy.
If you attach the label "this is bad," there is "no good" that can come from this; "this never should have happened." Human traits exist for a reason; the most wounded individuals tend to embrace extreme polarities and construct one-sided narratives rather than recognizing the perfection of what is. Generational wealth is established with a continuous first-generation mindset, consciously embracing challenges for growth. This is challenging because most people seek to avoid challenges, look for ways to retire, to stop working, which ultimately means to stop evolving and no longer being of service. It's unknowingly choosing entropy when you know the universe is recycling itself and the earth won't stop spinning for no man.
The feelings of betrayal, remorse and guilt are woven deep into the fabric of judgements around infidelity. Exploring your black and white perceptions you can tap into your unconscious motives and belief systems. Diluting these one-sided charges elevates you into a higher state of consciousness to experience the power of unconditional love (+/-) vs dense and gravitation one-sided emotions.
The feelings of betrayal, remorse, and guilt are woven deep into the fabric of judgments surrounding infidelity. By exploring your own black-and-white perceptions, you can tap into your unconscious motives and belief systems. Diluting these one-sided charges propels you into a higher state of consciousness, allowing you to experience the power of unconditional love (+/-) versus dense and gravitating one-sided emotions that are bogging you down.
It can be an unsettling experience if you are in the midst of facing an affair, and it's understandable for your nerves to be rattled, even more so if you're going through the process of divorce. But it doesn’t have to be so extreme; there are alternative ways of perceiving the situation and working through challenges more effectively and in a much shorter time.
Getting to Gratitude Rather Than Just Surviving and Coping with Cheating
The quality of life is demonstrated by the quality of questions you get asked or ask of yourself. So, if you can’t determine how this current situation you're facing is serving you, and you can’t see the situation objectively, you're going to be functioning from the animalistic nature of your own life, with the amygdala-driven predator and prey responses of seeking and avoiding. Rather than the prefrontal cortex region of your brain that can see things objectively and from a long-term perspective. This is why CEOs get paid more than workers, often +200x more.
Another perspective shift can come from being grateful for what you're ungrateful for. Instead of stressing, see the blessing by asking:
How is whatever I’m ungrateful for at this moment serving me? What am I getting to do, experience, or reconnect with? What are the benefits to me and those I perceive are being negatively impacted by this experience?
If you don't choose to see both sides of a situation, you will risk running a victim story on repeat.
The universe wants to teach the lesson of love and will ensure you experience it over and over until you see it and transcend that paradigm. So, being stuck becomes a choice when you realize this. You’re getting the experiences of love (+/-) and growth; they just didn’t come in the illusional way you thought they would. And if you hold onto the way it should have been, rather than see what it’s showing you, you’ll live in a delusion. That won’t make you grateful for your life, but rather, your own life will give you anxiety, sadness, depression, and feelings of bitterness.
Living in Anger & Betrayal
If you live in your amygdala, you are in a fight-or-flight response. You’ll experience more states of bitterness, resentment, anger, and betrayal. You have more extreme black-and-white emotions that will perpetuate the conflict and continue it to the point where you want peace on your terms. All that means is you have the unrealistic expectation to take it to the point where you declare it as being right and want the other person to accept they were wrong. You're basically living in a one-sided delusional world and will likely end up without a partner, jaded for future relationships, and dealing with a hemroids and bunch of other health conditions.
Wisdom would be understanding the situation and finding out where each of you is not fulfilled. Otherwise, you’ll spend a lot of time seeking parasympathetic coordinated activities to try to rest, relax, and digest to balance out your mental faculties, forgetting that the mind, body, and soul are interconnected.
Why People Cheat
“You want the truth? You Can’t handle the Truth.”
If you don’t meet market demand, a competitor can and likely will come along and disrupt your entire way of doing business and living life.
Care enough to continuously find out what needs aren’t being met.
Addressing the delusional projection that someone will be loyal without you understanding their personal priorities.
Whatever you are unwilling to do, there is someone who will do it. So, be prepared for delegation to occur either knowingly or unknowingly. Each individual is dedicated to fulfilling what’s most meaningful to them and their personal priorities.
If you want exclusivity but you're not willing to provide the executive exclusive service required to maintain what your partner desires, you're living in a delusional fantasy and projecting your personal priorities onto them. You’re overriding their desires and what they find important with what you perceive as more important.
Most people get humbled through these circumstances, costing them years of their lives and millions of dollars, all so they can step up and evolve their own lives into what would actually be most meaningful to them. Personal growth and development are essential parts of each individual's evolutionary process; you can get there through pain or inspiration. These moments are catalysts for you to pursue what you desire sooner rather than later in life. There is a school of thought to do your hobby after you retire; these circumstances get you to value yourself and life by your own personal priorities while understanding what others also place value and worth on. It will be unique to all your family members and filtered through the voids of their own life experiences. That’s why not everyone is a billionaire; they choose to invest time and energy in other areas.
Whatever you are unwilling to do, someone will step in and do it for you - let that sink in. It’s what has happened. It’s not because they are bad or evil. If your partner wants that request fulfilled, they will continue to seek their desires, just as you do for what’s important to you. Care enough to understand those requests. If it’s a communication issue, identify the bottleneck in your relationship and address it in our relationship workshop, the art and science of relationships. If the requests are reasonable, fulfill them; if not, consider getting feedback without the one-sided judgments of moral labels to understand their perspective. Some people don’t hear the truth because they are so reactive they can’t handle it, so individuals don’t give it to them. The universe, however, finds a way to deliver the message.
If your partner is pursuing a temporary fantasy, find out what those are so you can work through them for your next partnership so that the dynamic doesn’t keep coming up.
You Choose to Outsource and Delegate
Moving forward, let's avoid the term cheating; instead, let's refer to it as outsourcing and delegation. We make such choices when we believe it’s more cost-effective to have something handled elsewhere, allowing us to focus on other priorities or concentrate on the growth of what we do best.
Similar to our preference for buying handcrafted or locally made products, there is an associated premium due to the cost, time, and labour required to produce a high-quality item for others. While outsourcing overseas may seem cheaper, it only caters to the needs of certain types of consumers or for mass production. If you have specific aspects you prefer to keep in-house, family recipes, business trade secrets, or romantic partnerships, it's wise to realize the level of 1-on-1 concierge service required to do so.
To share it from a different perspective think of money as a current of energy, those who know its power want it to circulate through their local economy, fostering empowerment and independence for their community. If you want to create that level of an empowered family dynamic it's going to take a level of service and thinking you're not accustomed to.
It's crucial to understand what you’re willing to delegate before someone else makes that decision for you. Are you just dedicated to fulfilling your own personal priorities and values? Have you simply stopped caring about your partner's current desire? Are you coasting on cruise control with the expectation that your 1990 Honda will run forever? There have been signs and symptoms and you are too proud to see them. These challenges are designed to get you to grow and expand yourself.
Remember, all businesses are people businesses; relationships involve people doing things for people. Partnerships follow a similar principle. Keep growing yourself, recognizing that there are certain parts you may not want to delegate in the future.
Dealing with Divorce
When you choose not to do the internal work, it will show up in the world around you. The outside world is a reflection of your inside world. You can't escape doing the deep inner work to grow; you'll get humbled either through relationships, health, finances, and other extenuating circumstances to humble you.
It’s wisdom to clear the emotional baggage to make an objective decision before you decide to get divorced or stay together. Making an emotionally charged decision will cost you in many ways. Remember this is not out of left field.
Cracking the Vail of Jealousy
“Envy is ignorance & imitation is suicide ”
Jealousy is when you're afraid someone can take away something you admire. It's when you're afraid of losing someone you're infatuated with. You perceive you will miss out on what you like, and someone else can get it.
In reality, the infatuated traits behind jealousy are extreme lopsided perceptions not seeing what they admire in that person is actually within themselves.
One partner could genuinely admire the intellect of their partner because they can't see their genius in their own form.
They could admire the other partner's earning ability because they are been unable to see the impact they make and don't have a strategy to package it.
Jealousy kicks in when you want to cut down the other person to bring them to your level because you can't see the whole part of yourself.
When is a relationship at its End?
“Those who know, don’t talk. Those who talk, don’t know”
If you have to ask, it's not done. Certainty outweighs doubt and carries a sense of knowing. If you are charged and full of emotion, it's wisdom to clear that out; otherwise, that short-term release of immediate gratification by indulging yourself or telling the other off will cost you long-term fulfillment and gratification of health and wealth.
If you're expressing what's important to one another and can see how it contributes to each other's vision, you have an opportunity to reconcile and have a relationship. Even if that relationship is as an ex raising kids together or in a committed partnership, the choice will be yours. The alternative to this is dealing with a lifelong headache that could cost you mentally rather than clearing out the mental baggage.
Don't assume a relationship is over just because of this. Put in the effort, clear the charged imbalanced perceptions, and address the entanglements that led to this situation. This ensures you take ownership of some of your disowned parts, both your greatest pride and shame.
To decide is to bring death to an option: insecticide, suicide, pesticide, genocide. It's wise to seek a solution, signifying a path to the sun (Sol), which consists of +/- wavelengths of light on a journey of action to a higher state of energy, in our case consciousness. You can reach this point by maintaining objectivity and considering both sides of the situation.
Alternatively, you can allow patterns to repeat themselves later. Keep in mind that if you can't manage your emotions, you won't be able to manage your health or wealth. It's about making an objective choice that allows you to see far into the future rather than reacting emotionally in the short term. Once you've done the work and can communicate if need be, then you are ready to decide. To objectively bring death to an option.
“Should you find yourself in a chronically leaking boat, energy devoted to changing vessels is likely to be more productive than energy devoted to patching leaks.”
How to Communicate and Align Personal Priorities
Something clearly hasn’t been fulfilled for one of you or both of you, and the relationship dynamic is a reflection of it. Wisdom would be to discover what it is, rather than blaming and shaming. Connect and communicate to understand what’s actually most meaningful and what each of your lives actually demonstrates and see how doubling down on those would allow for greater growth to occur.
Determine both of your personal priorities and you'll see they are not a set destination but a moving journey. The things in your dreams are just milestone markers. These challenges are not bad, they are designed to serve as reminders that it’s going to be hard either way. So focus your energy on eustress and not distress—the inspiring stress of shared goals, not the stress of challenges will age and wear you down.
Couples who have alignment in their personal priorities can communicate to one another what’s most important to each other and are often empowered in all areas of their life. When each person is dedicated to their unique life mastery that's where they’ll be willing to pursue and over challenges and be more self-aware and objective with what's going on around them and see how their partner's personal priorities serve them.
The Love of Duality
There will always be conflict; you can’t escape it. You can’t separate the inseparables of peace without war. It’s the love of duality that’s getting you to chase fantasies and bring in your nightmares. So that you can integrate your pride and shame. How can you have order without chaos? The universe isn’t designed that way. So don’t think someone can only show you one side of being loyal; they are disloyal to the same degree. The kicker is, so are you, and you express both sides to the same degree, but maybe you can’t see it yet?
Everything serves a purpose; otherwise, it would go extinct. Any so-called event you’ve stamped in your mind and labelled as horrible actually serves a purpose. It sometimes takes people months, years, or decades to see how events serve them. The speed at which you can connect your own two halves is the speed of your own conscious development. Being in love with duality is being in love with Maya, the worldly illusion that it’s not energy, vibration, or frequency. Which is positive and negative wavelengths at all scales. Your mind seeks balance as well, so holding onto a one-sided story won’t serve anyone involved.
There will be a conservation of traits and pairs of opposites that your partner will be sure to play out. If you can’t see how each of you is serving each other's personal priorities on your journey throughout life, someone else has to play out the other side. If you won’t fulfill the needs. The old fling or colleague at the office will.
“The work works when you work it. Don’t just intellectualize this breakthrough to the other side.”
Getting Over The Sadness and Sorrow
It’s wisdom to not put people above you or below you but to appreciate them for who they are, and not an idealism or fantasy of your expectation.
If one person is holding onto a past fantasy, utilize this insight to clear out those infatuations and fantasies. The challenge is people create a subconscious search for images based on past euphoric episodic memories. So breaking the fantasy is like breaking through addiction. In our society, the greatest drug is dopamine fixes from pursuing one-sided perspectives and desires. Pleasures without pains, rather than long-term strategies.
That is why Warren Buffett says people won’t copy his investment strategy, because it’s too simple and is too far in the future. One-sided labels and perspectives give you an immediate emotional hit. Eventually, people learn the hard way or the long way over time. Doing deep and meaningful work or working on yourself is hard. You damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. Short-term fantasies will cost you, and long-term strategies when you function from your executive centre pay you dividends in multiple areas of your life.
Nothing is ever missing. It only changes form like the laws of thermodynamics of energy. You’re sad because you miss only the good positives. And it’s your addiction to this, you not missing farts, yelling, crying, sweating. Grief and loss aren’t what we think it is. It’s one-sided infatuation, it’s not love. It’s hedonistic in nature, unconditional love is timeless, spaceless and all-prevailing. You’re going through grief and relief simultaneously and emotions are split they are oscillating back and forth and expressed through brain noise because of your extreme views on either side. The mind seeks homeostasis like the body, and healing occurs when cause equals effect beyond the boundaries of space and time.
Long-Term Consequences of Holding onto Resentment
Whatever you repress is expressed until you appreciate it. So opening your mind up to seeing the other sides allows you to clear your pride and shame, as holding onto guilts weights you down and makes you feel heavy, as opposed to feeling radiant and light when in states of gratitude.
Your autonomic nervous system seeks balance. When you are so angry or resentful you create sympathetic nervous system responses of fight or flight. Then seek extreme parasympathetic alternatives of rest and digest activities or people. To seek relaxation to unwind and recover. Rather than addressing the imbalanced perceptions of the mind, that will amply compound moments until you integrate the lesson.
You're going to pay the consequences of solving or not solving your problems. One is through the pain of action and the other is going to be through the pain of carrying baggage. One will aid in creating meaning in life and empowering you to higher levels of self-mastery and the other will continue to wear you down...
What Makes Love Last?
Empowered relationships fuel growth & fulfillment, there is a natural balance of challenging each other and supporting each other. Knowing that the perfect balance gives you meaning, it’s wisdom to clear out past wounds and fantasies. Time to suck it up and clear your baggage and grow up. Old stories and resentments will cost you if you can‘t see the beauty and universal blessing in them.
Empowering yourself across all areas of life, and creating a fair and level playing field in a partnership. One person doesn’t hold the power or authority, an individual may excel in certain parts and your partner in others. If you going to delegate, delegate life internally to your loved one. Give each other the things the other finds purposeful. Running the expenses, raising kids, working, planning travel etc. Aligning your personal values is what we share in your relationship workshop, it allows you to see how you actually able to serve each other. Put it in your calendar it will be worth every dollar.
Some of these principles may no longer apply to your current situation but can carry forward in your next partnership. Holding onto idealism and fantasies will ensure nobody can fulfill your desires. Nobody can complete a one-sided utopian fantasy, a movie, or a fling that lasted a short period of time.
Emotions are subjectively biased charges and they erode vitality. So look at what you are biased towards and address the original perceptions. Otherwise, you will just compound traumatic events ontop of traumatic events, rather than allowing your money to compound you allow your triggers too.
Bouncing Back and Creating a Resilient Relationship Together or Apart
Bouncing back is within the ability of each relationship. You can take your connection to another level if you choose to. The objective is to either split amicably transform your relationship dynamic, or transition into a more meaningful relationship that aligns with your personal priorities. Don’t be attached to the outcome, doing the deep work will ensure you both find meaning out of this.
Address other past affairs, that will begin levelling out the playing field. When you are proud of yourself, you give yourself permission to do what you are ashamed of. This is the licensing effect, keeping you in a yo-yo state. Just as pride in saving leads to wasting money, pride in weight loss leads to overeating or unhealthy eating as a reward. Process your justification and reflect that anyone you put above you ends up in a pit. To address both sides otherwise you won’t see the perfection of this. Open communication can help rebuild trust after infidelity if both people understand the universal order.
The extremes when building trust are when people go down the shame spiral and adopt extreme religious fundamentalist views to mask their own extreme self-righteous pride. Seeking forgiveness and connection from an outside higher authority for their “wrongdoing” without seeing the perfection and growth this opportunity gives. That’s not right or wrong either, it’s a path. And often it’s perpetuated by extreme pride because they are equal and quantitatively balanced by your shame.
Ironically these strategies I shared are actually similar to maintaining customer loyalty in business. Give the customer what they want so you can get what you want. And do it at a higher and higher level. Steve Jobs said a brand is simply trust. Marketing is about conveying value and business is about exchanging value fairly. Sounds like a powerful and inspiring relationship, and to the same degree, true business sounds almost spiritual. If you adopt the perspective of treating your relationship like a well-oiled business it’s on you to satisfy the needs of the customer. It’s on you to find out why customers are going next door and aren’t sticking around with you.
How Not to Fall Pray When People Stray
Behind closed doors do the work to overcome stuff like this as it’s all too common. Cultivate a new culture in your relationship dynamics around self and family growth and development. You’ll also see couples and individuals who’ve adopted the mindset to get ahead of the curve. To disrupt themselves and do the work to empower themselves, as whatever you don’t someone else will try to overpower and influence you. Whatever you’re not willing to do in a relationship prepare for someone else to fill the void.
Disrupt yourself, before outside circumstances disrupt you. This is why placing a value on personal growth and development allows you to maximize your awareness and consciousness so you can self-actualize your human potential. Either way life it’s going to have challenges. Not growing is hard, growing is hard. You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. So why not fill your life with inspiring objectives rather than the monotonous stress that the vast majority live their life by? They are stuck in following the morals of outside people and institutions they’ve made their authority - is that how you want to live life, following the social constructs imposed on you?
Proactively disrupt yourself before external circumstances disrupt you. This is why placing a value on personal growth and development allows you to maximize your awareness and consciousness so you can self-actualize your human potential. Life inevitably presents challenges, and both not growing and growing pose their own difficulties, as you are experiencing firsthand. It's a dilemma where you're caught between choices; you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. So, why not enrich your life with inspiring objectives and learnings instead of succumbing to the monotonous stress that the masses endure because they are trapped in adhering to the morals they've accepted as their authority? Is that the way you want to live your life, following societal constructs imposed or tapping into a state of grace, and gratitude for what life actually is?
Next Steps To Getting Your Life Back On Track
There comes a time when you realize you rather have the whole world against you than your own soul. The brain noise through challenges isn’t bad, it’s feedback. Feedback talking to you until your voice on the inside is louder than all the nonsense from the outside. Because in reality you are not on other people's minds and if you are, it’s people you made authorities in your own perspective because of your disowned part you admire.
Transmute the pain from the brain noise in your head to your wallet. The time you’re spending frustrating it’s time to spend that doing hours of inspiring personal development work to discover the hidden order in the apparent chaos.
Join my team and me for workshops or book a private consultation.
You won’t be sold fantasies as you can never escape challenges or pain, we can just transmute them into more inspiring forms that ensure your being of service and taking action on your priorities. Things won’t get easier, but they will get more fulfilling. If you are an individual who likes to work hard and play hard, and get to maximize your own human potential and awareness our programs are designed for you. Time to lighten that loud of the mental baggage you’re carrying. We place an emphasis on balancing your emotions so you can become more poised and objective, instead of being driven by extreme ups and downs. Feeling stuck sucks, experience the power of an open heart and being loved for who you are and loving the other person for who they are is seeing the perfection of life. If you are interested in overcoming that feeling of that keeps coming and going of being resentful, and betrayed and want to experience a state of love and appreciation here are some program options.
Schedule a discovery call to implement the right solutions for you to beak through this experience and develop a customized game plan to overcome your unique scenario.
Amar
Summary
Don't cheat yourself out of the love of wisdom and wisdom of love, which is seeing both sides within yourself and your partner. You’ll miss an opportunity to get some of the greatest feedback of your life.
Nature strives for balance and harmony to the same degree it puts things into chaos to bring them to higher states of order and consciousness. It's far wiser to see how your individual paths have served you collectively. Equity and equanimity in a relationship is the path where you can see yourself in the other.
My perspective is to communicate and understand what you're not providing and own your part in this journey of infidelity. Learn and mature from the real insights you discover about yourself. Overreacting and blaming the other person will only take you so far, and it won’t let you learn about the underlying solutions that can transform your life. All humans are two-sided regardless of the imposed moral views of outside authorities in their lives. Expecting a person to live in a one-sided world is unrealistic. Understand the true nature of them and the timeless universal human behaviour principles that you can’t separate the inseparable, that they are just as loyal as disloyal, just as you are.
In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity, as that’s where maximum growth occurs between your challenges and comfort zone. If you're not walking that fine line and constantly empowering and disrupting yourself, outside circumstances and people will. But you may be too dense to see it because you living in a black-and-white world, of the morals of right and wrong to comprehend it. Too busy playing the victim and stating you’ve been betrayed, and utilizing your life force to be like a crackhead looking between the cracks of the sidewalk trying to get details on who, how and why, rather than looking in the mirror.
Some people will get so wounded through this either by perceiving they have been betrayed or the other end up having such guilt they’ll overcompensate with pride and try to blow up their partner's life or blow money trying to find meaning through the senses.
If you didn’t know about the Law of Eristic Escalation where the imposition of order creates disorder and the imposition of disorder creates order, now you do. The more you try to control the less control you have. The more you try to impose your morals, the more you attract evens of the opposite magnitude.
We require both sides to grow, check your moral mortal judgments.
A solution is like a path to the “sol” sun (+/-) and “ution” denotes taking action. An action that integrates both sides to higher states of awareness and consciousness would be in greater alignment with your path. Whatever you haven’t loved will come back full circle until you learn to love it. Remember nobody has the power to make you feel something, it’s based on your perceptions which you control. You are the one who has control of how you plan and take action in your life.
We teach some of the most powerful human behaviour techniques on the planet - take advantage and take action. Help others who want real solutions.
You are worthy of unconditional love regardless of what you did or didn’t do and this is just a journey to make sure you see it and experience it.
I wrote this because shame is one of the greatest barriers to expanding wealth and delivering meaningful impact. And there doesn’t have to be regardless of what side of this scenario you are on.
